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A man had great tickets for the World Cup Final. As he sits down, another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the empty seat next to him.
"No," he says. "The seat is empty." This is incredible!" says the other man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the World Cup Final, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?"
"Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away.
This is the first World Cup Final we haven't been to together since we got married in 1966 in London."
"Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"
The man shakes his head. "No. They're all at the funeral."
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept
through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping,
''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little
Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed
her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very
good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary
didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and
stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very
good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third
question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And
again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted,
''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The
Teacher fainted.
